April 8, 2014

  • My Old Life

    I’ve been working at this internship now for over six months. A few weeks ago they offered me an extension–paid, by the way–which I accepted. All told, I will have spent about seven months in Geneva, which is great and I’m glad about the choice I made.

    Over the past two weeks or so, I keep having flashbacks to my “old life,” or at least to the way it was before I started the internship. And, even though, in my old life,

    …I didn’t really have any friends…

    …I never really did anything…

    …I didn’t really liked where I lived…

    …I was constantly consumed with anxiety…

    …I still miss it. I don’t know if there is a Stockholm syndrome that applies to non-human “impressions,” but that may be it.

    By and large, I think the “flashbacks” are mostly the product of me currently living in a way that is most-similar to my life beforehand. Before leaving, I used to sleep in until late morning. I spent a lot of time at home in front of the computer, usually with the goal of “studying” or organizing my notes, etc. However, what usually happened was a lot of time-wasting on the Internets. Now, since my new contract isn’t sorted, I’m not really allowed in the office. Consequently, I sleep in until late morning. I spend a lot of time in the apartment in front of the computer, with the purported goal of “working,” etc. But, this has devolved into more-than-significant time-wasting on the Internets. Sounds familiar, right?

    So…why do I miss my old life?

    Then, today, someone from where I lived and will shortly be returning to posted a story about how they found a pipe bomb in this random guy’s house. This is very clearly a safety hazard–and not totally unique. FYI: the town is Waco, and the whole David Koresh thing went down there. Waco has a long history of explosives.

    I don’t understand why I feel drawn back.

    I am VERY confident that I do not want to stay in that town–mostly because I have much better job prospects in one of the larger metropolitan areas around. Maybe I’m just looking forward to being done with law school…and the bar exam…and this whole not-working-for-money phase of my life. I understand that this part of my life has been very formative and taught me as much about myself as it taught me any practical work-related skills. Still, it will be nice when it’s over.

    Still…the flashbacks…the desire to wake up in my own bed…the random compulsion that I feel to vacuum the stairs when there aren’t any stairs here for me to vacuum…what is going on?

    I hope that many of you more-experienced Xangans mayhap illuminate what I’m feeling.

Comments (6)

  • Homesick!
    Yup that’s what comes to mind. If you sleep in late, go ahead, enjoy that phase. It won’t be long before you will be hauling your well suited figure in the court to defend or prosecute if you have gone into criminal law. If you haven’t, again there are a score of other law offices that you will be working at and you would HAVE to be in the office by a certain time. So don’t begrudge this sleeping in late.
    Vacuuming the steps? Hmmm, I have some here that need to have that done, and the housekeeper always misses them.
    I am so glad you posted. I just responded to your comment on my post about “rabbit”. Enjoy your internship.

    • I’ve been surprised at how much I have enjoyed the internship! It’s been really good so far. I’ll be kind of sad when it’s over. But, at some point, real life has to start up again.

  • I agree with Zakiah. When we were in Africa we missed the U.S. When we came back to this country we missed Africa. I still miss Calif. where I was born and grew up, though I wouldn’t want to go back there to live. Just hang in there, and try to enjoy whatever place you are living, and whatever phase of life you are in.

  • Zakiah and Gracia took the words right out of my mouth – homesickness usually doesn’t have any logic to it. Try to focus on enjoying the here and now – all too soon you will be moving on and you don’t want to look back with regrets. If there are places you want to visit make a plan and do them (if you have spare time on your hands just move away from the computer and motivate!)

Post a Comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *