September 30, 2012
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Getting Away
This weekend I absconded to my parent’s lake house to spend the weekend. It’s not glamorous–it’s been rainy all day today and will continue to be so tomorrow. I brought all my homework with me. I’m not doing anything here that I wouldn’t do at home. It’s good just to get away sometimes…especially because it bums me out lately to be at “home.”
It could be the bugs. I’ve had a terrible time with crickets and roaches lately. The crickets should leave me alone once the weather turns cool. Hopefully the smell will start airing out when they leave too. The roaches, though, just infuriate me. They’re just so…BRAZEN. They even lack the shame to run when they’re spotted. I tussled with two Friday morning. They didn’t take me seriously until I swatted at them. Then, though, my blood was boiling and I wanted nothing more than to reduce those DAMN ARTHROPODS to a squishy blob of twitchy legs and splayed-open, broken wings. Roaches just make me mad. Not all roaches…only the American and Pennsylvania Wood roaches. The German roaches don’t make me nearly as angry. Between the roaches and the crickets, I’m afraid to go into my kitchen…and I’m always worried about the status of the pots and pans in the cabinets.
It could be the emptiness. I think my place is too large. The furniture in my living room fails to fill the space. There’s an entire bedroom that’s completely unoccupied. I really need to get a roommate to help cover living expenses (cable, electricity, etc.), but until then, it’s just me. There’s so much space it feels indulgent, but not in that you-deserve-a-splurge way, it’s more like the you’re-being-super-wasteful-and-financially-irresponsible way. Even being at home isn’t comforting when it feels empty.
It could be the symbolism. My grandfather is putting up the money to purchase the condo. The idea is that he’s making an investment. But, it’s all wrapped up in the idea that I will go to school, do well, so that I will have a good job and a productive future. There’s a lot of pressure riding on my success–and I’m very confident that I cannot “succeed” in school. I just muddle through and barely keep pace with everyone else. When I walk in, I’m reminded that there are a lot of people watching me…and a lot of people to possibly disappoint/make angry when things (ultimately?) crap out.
So…I’m away for the weekend. I’ll have to be back Monday. Back to class. Back to the crickets. Back to the risk of disappointment. Back to refusing to use the air conditioner even though it’s still 90 degrees at 10:00 at night because I can’t afford it. TBTHBTHBTHBTH! Right now, though, I’m away. But my mind is still concerned about being back.
Comments (6)
Tu es comme le poète Lamartine, inspiré par le Lac !!
@fauquet - Vous avez raison ! Il y a une grande tradition d’œuvres inspirées par les frontières — comme cela entre la terre et l’eau au bord du lac. Il me fait penser : C’est quoi ma frontière ? Ou est-ce que je suis ? … C’est une pensée qui fait réfléchir…
Comme d’habitude, merci pour votre visite !
Are you serious about the roaches? Get a terminator!
On another note … I like your writing style. It’s slow but not boring. Flows like a river.
Dang! Nick above stole my line. I love the way you write.
I would leave the state if I had to put up with roaches and crickets. Cannot stand those guys. I have known friends and classmates who condemned themselves before the exams etc, but came out with flying colours. i suspect you will do just fine too.
@beowulf222 - Thanks! Then my writing style is an accurate reflection of me: slow but engaging. : ) The pest problems are real. So far, though, I’ve been back and haven’t seen a roach or a cricket inside the house. So…let’s hope they’re gone for the fall!
@ZSA_MD - You can’t just LEAVE Texas. It’s like high treason. But, the recent earthquakes near Dallas might be enough to drive me away. And I hope that things will go well. I’ve got my necessary homework done for tomorrow and I’m prepping for a review session. So…wish me luck! And thanks for being an encouraging force on the InTArWebZ.
@TutelageOfTheMundane - Here’s wishing you the best of luck. I know you will be singing like a nightingale once the ordeal is over.