January 22, 2013

• On Being Classy

  This weekend, I went to my dad’s cousin’s wedding (which is my first cousin once removed, right?) in Baton Rouge. The wedding was a good reflection of the couple and who they are. I think everyone who attended generally enjoyed it.

  My (first) cousin (once removed) and the girl he married are both in fairly official, moderately high-profile positions in the government. In planning, they had done a good job of making sure that everything was in good taste–I’m sure a consequence of the make-no-waves mentality their jobs require. The ceremony was in the front yard of a large, neo-antebellum-style plantation house (not built until the 1990s, so no actual slave history). The bride wore a very simple, but elegant gown (it looked nice without being showy or decadent). The bridesmaids wore navy dresses, the groomsmen gray suits (subdued colors that aren’t daring, but always look nice). The reception featured a live band (orchestra?) playing Rat Pack and big band songs, with a few Elvis hits here and there (all song in a clear tenor). The food was all professionally prepared and delicious.

  All in all, the wedding was very tasteful and classy. But, it was so classy that it verged on being boring.

  I’ve thought about what it means to “be classy” or to “have class.” My working definition is that someone ‘is classy” or “has class” if: (1) s/he appears comfortable or at ease in any social situation; and (2) demonstrates poise, graciousness, respect, and self-control in the face of anti-social or inappropriate behavior. I think that captures the heart of it with respect to people. With respect to events, though, defining “classiness” is a more difficult task.

  

   

   What makes a person classy is the ability or willpower to not make things worse when things go bad. It’s an anti-drama characteristic. That idea is harder to translate to an event. I think that what makes an event classy is whether the people who attended had a good time, will remember it, and are glad that they went. At a classy affair, the circumstances don’t inflict any undue drama; and if there is a “situation,” it is handled quickly and quietly. All in all…kind of lame.

  Maybe events shouldn’t be TOO classy. When you feel like you can’t really mess up or are too afraid to do the wrong thing, things get a little stifled.

  One of my favorite lines in a rap song is by Rasheeda in “My Bubble Gum.” The line goes: “Classy, but getting nazzty at the same time.” I don’t know if that’s actually the way to spell “nasty,” but it seems to fit. I think Rasheeda’s delightfully contradictory juxtaposition is the essence of the difference between a good party/event and a GREAT party or event. It needs to be by all objective standards “classy,” but provide a structure for the people who atttend to get (just a teeny-tiny bit) nasty at the same time.

  As an illustration: the best part of the wedding (in my mind) was my grandmother’s comment to one of my first cousins twice removed. The cousin was wearing a long, blingy pair of pendant earrings. After complimenting them, my grandmother said, “If I tried to wear those, they’d be sitting on my tits.” I AM NOT PARAPHRASING. That’s my little Granny. What it made it so awesome was that it was an off-color thing to say in a “posh” setting. Plus, it was my grandmother…and there were witnesses! So, it was perfect on many levels.

  So even though the music was very pleasant, I could have enjoyed it more. Maybe it’s just me…but, sometimes I need some booty-shaking tunes. For me, your reception doesn’t count if  you don’t play “Push It” and “Hey Ya” AND there some drunk foible. That could have taken this perfectly pleasant wedding to a whole. other. level.

  How “classy” was the best wedding you’ve ever attended? If really classy, did you enjoy it anyway?

  • 12:31 pm
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