January 23, 2013
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Which is better…
To be friends with someone who doesn’t judge
OR to be friends with someone who isn’t afraid to judge, but will still be your friend when you do terrible (i.e., judgment-worthy) things?
I think I prefer the latter. I sometimes do things that are NOT okay, and I respect those who: 1. know when actions are wrong/inappropriate”; 2. confront me about it; and 3. will hold me accountable for the consequences. In most cases I think a prefer a friend who makes me be a better person–and doesn’t let me get away with being less than a great version of me.
I think that if I ever murdered someone, I would rather have the friend who would turn me in and still visit me in prison, rather than the one who helps me escape from “the law” (and whom I would probably never see again).
Maybe this isn’t really what I want to post. Maybe, what I want to post is:
GUN TO YOUR HEAD: In less than 100 words, explain what “don’t judge me” means.
I may just be a little confused about what people mean when they say, “don’t judge me.”
Comments (10)
Just to be clear: I’ve never murdered/assaulted/criminalized anyone or been charged with anything other than a moving violation.
I agree with your stance. I think what people really mean when they say that is “don’t think less of me for this”, or “don’t stop being my friend because of this”.
“Don’t judge” means for me that I would still be friends with that person even if he/she did something I disagree with. There are limits, however, as to much I am willing to tolerate as well as frequency of these booboos. So, don’t try me or I will judge you.
@Love_in_102 - I think that too…but at the same time, I want to scream, “WHY DIDN’T YOU JUST NOT DO IT!” But, we all suffer from unfortunate decisions…the no-judgment policy is probably there to remind us that we’re all the same.
@beowulf222 - Hah! Everyone has limits…at least, I hope they do. If everyone went around not judging all the time, there would be no end to the violence people could perpetrate against humanity. Loyalty, though, as you’ve suggested, I think is what people are really going for. Thanks!
The premise of judging vs non-judging friends is slightly flawed. We all judge (many times it is subconsciously). The people that fall into the non-judgmental group are those that suppress that impulse and accept others for who and what they are. Which means they are willing to befriend the girl with purple hair and the guy with the nose ring, the woman in a wheelchair and the man with a memory deficit… It doesn’t mean they condone antisocial behaviors or illegal activities. It does mean they will accept the ex-con and the recovering drug addict without holding their past against them. I would rather have friends that don’t judge.
@murisopsis - So close, but 109 words…too bad.
I kid, I kid. I completely get the idea of not holding one’s past against them. Where I get a little confused is when someone keeps making the same “mistakes” over and over…do they expect that people won’t draw a conclusion about that person’s character based on those actions?
I’m not asking whether I should be merciful/gracious towards these people (because I totes should); I’m trying to get at whether the “don’t judge me” mentality encompasses the repeated mistake. And if not, how much good-faith change should I want to see before “don’t judge” gets activated. Humans are complicated…
I would go with a friend who will never judge me. There are already so many people that are always judging the others. A friend is there just to be, he doesen’t have to help you escape or anything else,just be there.
I can I judge the litle straw in yourveyes, when I have a huge balk on mine? I like this.I could never be a judge,perhaps I could be a friend ….
@carlo - That’s true; but, if I’m going to be judged, I would rather a friend judge me than a stranger.
i totally prefer the latter too. i’d like to think that the person i choose to be friends with holds me to a high standard of character. high enough to tell me when I’m being an asshat.
@l0311879l - THANK YOU! There are times, unfortunately enough, where I do play the asshat…and I’d like to think that people won’t let me get away with it.