September 22, 2013
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Thanatopsis
Perhaps this post isn’t so morbid as much as it is exploratory–like the difference between a colonectomy and a colonoscopy. One is much more serious than the other, but they both kind of stink. This is kind of whiny/down—but I really wrote it to ask the question at the end–so maybe just skip to there? I’m in the middle of exploring what “big issues” make people interact the way they do and how I relate/agree/differ from others on those points.
Recently, I’ve discovered that, unlike many people, the idea of dying alone doesn’t bother me. I don’t remember why this came up, but it did. Maybe in the context of future plans/will you have a family/why don’t you have any friends/something equally existential? Perhaps after drinking? But, it seems like many people try to fill their lives with people to avoid the lonely-death scenario. I don’t get it. And, in a recent trend, I’ve decided to stop buying into/accepting premises that I don’t understand.
SOOOOoooo, all that said, there’s actually not much more to say. Oh, except that I’ve embraced the possibility that I might die alone–maybe in a nursing home, maybe not. That’ll depend on how fast Alzheimer’s sets in and how fast I can spend down my assets, create a Medicaid plan, etc. That is, presuming I don’t have a sudden and traumatic emergency that otherwise leaves me permanently breathless.
To be clear: the idea of dying painfully is still upsetting and is something to be avoided. But, dying alone, in an empty room/house, even messing myself in the process, not so much. The end of life is as much a part of the life cycle has the beginning and the middle.
Meh. Maybe my parents just raised an independent child?
I am curious, though, why, if you have this fear, is the idea of dying alone loathsome/a factor worth motivating current conduct?
Comments (6)
Humans as a group are social animals. We are joiners. We have an innate desire for interaction with conspecifics – and not just for mating and rearing of the young. That isn’t to say that there are those that prefer a less integrated existence. Many people opt for a peripheral lifestyle, that is they are part of a society but do not have serious personal interactions. They are usually independent in thought and action and emotionally able to sustain themselves without input from others. (sort of the opposite from the divas who MUST have adoration and stroking of the ego else they feel inadequate/unloved and will self harm). There are many people fully integrated in society who are also content to die without an audience. Most of them have a very strong and fervent belief in a higher power who is present with them in everyday life and at the hour of their death. This can make death a much less frightening experience especially if they believe in an afterlife. Anyway, that is my take on it.
I’ve never heard the term “conspecifics” before; I tend to agree with your assessment. Plus, it all checks out against my own experience. I’m sad that I have but a penny to offer you for your two-cents worth. ; )
It’s all about faith and beliefs me thinks. Dying alone or in the presence of many people doesn’t make difference to me. My death will always be alone for me unless in am in a plane crash or other such accidental catastrophes.
Thanks! I was afraid that I was kind of alone in the not-fearing-being-alone sentiment here. You’ve put my mind at ease. But, I agree. And, unless they’re going with you, it’s still kind of alone.
I’m terrified of dying alone. I’ve had a couple of dreams about that already. I can’t really explain what is driving this fear and I’m not sure I’m ready to dwell into this either.
The good news is that you don’t have to dwell on the subject! I know that there are a lot of people like you in this regard–so many, in fact, I thought I was defective (or, ironically enough alone) for my feelings on the matter. I’ve since learned: 1. I’m not the only one who feels this way; and 2. even if I were, it’s probably ok. For what it’s worth, there’s probably no reason to worry so much about how one moment of your life will play out. Besides, the way you treat and care for others, I can’t imagine that you would have to face that fear. Thanks for reading.