I’ve been working at this internship now for over six months. A few weeks ago they offered me an extension–paid, by the way–which I accepted. All told, I will have spent about seven months in Geneva, which is great and I’m glad about the choice I made.
Over the past two weeks or so, I keep having flashbacks to my “old life,” or at least to the way it was before I started the internship. And, even though, in my old life,
…I didn’t really have any friends…
…I never really did anything…
…I didn’t really liked where I lived…
…I was constantly consumed with anxiety…
…I still miss it. I don’t know if there is a Stockholm syndrome that applies to non-human “impressions,” but that may be it.
By and large, I think the “flashbacks” are mostly the product of me currently living in a way that is most-similar to my life beforehand. Before leaving, I used to sleep in until late morning. I spent a lot of time at home in front of the computer, usually with the goal of “studying” or organizing my notes, etc. However, what usually happened was a lot of time-wasting on the Internets. Now, since my new contract isn’t sorted, I’m not really allowed in the office. Consequently, I sleep in until late morning. I spend a lot of time in the apartment in front of the computer, with the purported goal of “working,” etc. But, this has devolved into more-than-significant time-wasting on the Internets. Sounds familiar, right?
So…why do I miss my old life?
Then, today, someone from where I lived and will shortly be returning to posted a story about how they found a pipe bomb in this random guy’s house. This is very clearly a safety hazard–and not totally unique. FYI: the town is Waco, and the whole David Koresh thing went down there. Waco has a long history of explosives.
I don’t understand why I feel drawn back.
I am VERY confident that I do not want to stay in that town–mostly because I have much better job prospects in one of the larger metropolitan areas around. Maybe I’m just looking forward to being done with law school…and the bar exam…and this whole not-working-for-money phase of my life. I understand that this part of my life has been very formative and taught me as much about myself as it taught me any practical work-related skills. Still, it will be nice when it’s over.
Still…the flashbacks…the desire to wake up in my own bed…the random compulsion that I feel to vacuum the stairs when there aren’t any stairs here for me to vacuum…what is going on?
I hope that many of you more-experienced Xangans mayhap illuminate what I’m feeling.