March 3, 2012

• Eviction

  We didn't cover eviction in first-year property.

  

  That's not entirely true. We did talk about eviction in the context of leashold estates and landlord-tenant relationships. We did not, however, go over how to evict someone from your head. What would otherwise be an arm's length relationship, even if contentious, gets complicated when the landlord--your inner person--is especially subject to the wiles of the tenant--crazy concerns about being trapped in the middle of a game, the rules of which you don't understand and which NO ONE WILL EXPLAIN TO YOU! Not even when you ask.

  One of my biggest hangups in life is how to deal with the golden rule. Generally, it's a good thing. But, it can lead to unfortunate or absurd results if there are fundamental differences in the way people want to be treated. For example, if I know something is going to come to a (potentially devastating) end, I'd rather end it. If I can't do it myself, I think I'd like someone else to do it for me. I hate having to make choices, and I'm bad at it. I think I would appreciate someone "forcing my hand," so to speak. Often, I feel relieved. Alternatively, it gives me someone to blame (other than myself) for the stuff that happens to me in life. (It should be noted, though, that evading guilt/blame/fear is probably the biggest motivator in my life.)

  I've come to learn, however, that many people don't feel this in way. In fact, many people feel quite the opposite. There's a widely held belief that people should be free to make serious mistakes, even if the mistakes can be avoided. I understand that any decision rooted in preventing or encouraging a particular result is necessarily a "best guess" without certainty. Still, beliefs should be acted on, right? I don't know...I'm bad at humans.

  This tension--between the golden rule and what I think is probably best--makes me exhausted. It may just be part of life, but it's one I dislike. It makes me feel like I'm caught in a trap. Largely, I've set the trap for myself; and my thoughts are the cage holding me in. I think it would be nice, though, if people could just be clear about what they expect of me...or why they can't tell me what they would rather me do. Again, I dislike this tension.

  I also dislike it when people pressure me to come up with nicknames for them in Xanga entries when MY BLOG DOESN'T REVOLVE AROUND THEM. (When I need a nickname to preserve your anonymity IRL, you'll get one. I promise. The nickname needs to arise organically. It can't be forced.)

  I'm slowly beginning to realize that perennially dwelling on topics like this isn't always helpful. I've begun to find the point of negative marginal returns; these thoughts aren't paying their way for the precious space they occupy on my wrinkly ol' brain. It's time to get them outta there.

  • 9:15 pm
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