April 3, 2012

• "Euro"

  It's not only a currency or a fancy pillow--it's a look I'm trying to pull off. I've discovered that attempting this new "eurosthetic" is necessary for two reasons.

  

  First, and most urgently, I think it will be helpful in meeting people--particularly lady people. I'm just another ordinary white guy. But, with a weird hairdo, capri jeans, and a knit-top, a phony accent, I'm exotic! (or gay) The trouble is, it would be a lot easier to meet girls, but at some point I would have to tell them I'm not German/Dutch/Scandinavian. I should note, however, that the only time an attractive girl has started a conversation with me at a bar was when I had my hair up in a quasi-Euro style...it was Alyssa's twenty-first birthday party. Good times...until someone spills a drink on the back of your pants. Those are bad times. : (

  Second, I'm going to Spain and Switzerland this summer. While I had fun being a tourist, I think there's an added sense of excitement and adventure when you can blend into the surroundings and not be noticed because it looks like you belong. I would feel like a spy. Not a government spy...but like a cultural spy. I'm gathering information, experiences, and stories to share with others about a trip I had once. The sense of hiding in plain sight that way is thrilling. Plus, that's the only way I think that I'll be able to tell whether I can speak the language as well as I think I do. If I look out of place, and I sound out of place, people will realize that I'm out of place. But, if I fit in and sound of place, people will be confused. With the looks of confusion, I'll be able to assess my proficiency with the language.

  So...tonight, after jogging and showering, I put on a pair of skinny jeans, brightly colored sneaks' and I faux-hawked the top of my hair and fluffed the back. It looks pretty convincing if I say so myself. If I could just get that accent down, though...The far-Northern European countries were my first choices because I look like a Northern European...however, I don't speak any of those languages so I couldn't fake the accent very well. I do speak French...but I don't look French. My best bet may actually to pretend to be Belgian. Belgians are pretty honky and some of them speak French. That may work. One of my French teachers was French and she was even whiter than I am!

  But, here's the question I pose to you: Say you meet a guy who you think is foreign and exotic. How does he break the news that the foreign thing was a ruse just to lubricate the initial meeting process? How does he do it so that you're not offended or think that he's a lying creep-wad?

  Note: If anyone says, "Oh...don't worry about and just be yourself, you'll meet some one," I WILL CYBER SLAP YOU. That statement is demonstrably false. Other than that, though, your comments are invited.

  • 10:49 pm
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