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  • Dark Sourness

    Things in life have been weird lately...really weird. Beyond-my-ability-handle weird. I thought that by now I'd be able to stop screwing things up in my life, even if not able to fix the things that aren't my fault.

    I walked into my apartment recently and was affronted with a perturbing sense of sourness. It wasn't overwhelming. But it was present, alarmingly so. And pervasive. I flitted around trying to locate the source. I checked the usual offenders: trash, toilet, mildewy towel, the trash again, and the dirty clothes bin...everything but the kitchen sink. And then I checked the kitchen sink. It was the kitchen sink. Little remnants of foodstuff had been shred and collected together in the drain. The mechanism for washing the junk just let it grow old and

    'Twas quite apropos for a an unquiet trope.

    I've been harboring a lot of bitterness lately that has become a sort of mental and emotional rot. Most of it involves me being way too self absorbed and unable to move past stupid choices I make. With my steel-trap mind, I keep replaying mistakes over and over. I don't let my inner, disposal mechanism do its job. And, even when I do move past stuff, there are little bits that I hold onto and that accrete into a sort of psychic sepsis.

    Fortunately, I can fix the sink thing with a few slices of lemon and some vinegar. The other problems don't appear as apparently remediable. Ugh! I should probably start doing stuff for other people. I dislike other people...they bewilder me.

  • Big Sigh

    There's probably a justifiable reason for me to be angry. But I'm not. I'm just freakin' exhausted.

    I'm tired of being awkward.
    I'm tired of making mistakes.
    I'm tired of not having a receptive audience when I just need to vent.
    I'm tired of feeling like there's no one who shares my interests.
    I'm tired of the systematic belittling of the things that I find interesting.
    I'm tired of failing.
    I'm tired of not being able to contribute to a peer group.
    I'm tired of the "hating" and backbiting.
    I'm over school.

    I should go take a nap.

  • It Never Stops!

    I am now officially a 2L!

    My first year of law school is behind me. But, the worst quarter of my life (before P.C.) is in front of me. Now that I have a basic understanding of torts, contracts, criminal law, civil procedure, and property, you would think I could start learning fun stuff. Alas, my schedule is filled with appellate advocacy, business organization, tax, and (duh duh duh) trusts & estates. *Wa-hoo!* Oh, btw, I've started putting things between asterisks to indicate I'm saying them sarcastically. I call it sTarcasm...or *casm for short. I think it has legs.

    But...there's no rest for the weary. My last final ended 49 minutes ago and I already have assignments posted for my classes that start next quarter. My next quarter starts, btw, MONDAY. Law school just never ends. I've been neglecting many of the things that I've been meaning to do (study abroad applications, internship applications, showering, etc.) because of finals...but...I might have made a bad choice. I don't foresee things calming down in the near future to permit me to get these things done.

    But. Right now, I've finished my first year of law school and I have a margarita. It should be a time for reflection. It's at this point that I should offer some sage advice to those who (faithfully--thank you!) read my often-whiney blog. I should conclude with upbeat and positive note about how meaningful life is when you've endured and gotten through to the other side of hardship.

    ...but I got nothin'...

    Lo mejor que puedo hacer es gritar "Salud!" antes de sorber esta margarita...si, tiene bombillo. Ahora, me apetece el tequila. Buenas tardes!

    It appears that the margarita is working. Wa-hoo! (Note the absence of asterisks.)

  • Equilibrium Almost Restored

    So...this law-school networking thing isn't working out for me.

    I've given it my best shot, and it's freaking exhausting. I'm worn out or stressed all the time. But, I've almost succeeded in alienating everyone who has tried to befriend me, but I'm almost back to normal. There are a few hold outs, but they'll soon succumb to reality: It turns out that I am actually as weird/annoying/irritating/awkward as I think I am. Plus, Facebook just makes me feel like crap all the time...

    And really, while I feel like a colossal failure, it's for the best. It really bothers me that I can't see what people are thinking. When I run possible scenarios, I'm always caught in damage mode. Naturally, then, I focus on the worst possible scenario...and I have a really good imagination, which is a terrible combination, like being a cynical romantic, or a perfectionistic procrastinator. Until I can harmonize some of the discordant attributes, it's probs best that I don't stress myself out too much about what's/who's happening around me.

    *sigh*

    It's true: I'm my own worst enemy. But, I need to embrace my weaknesses and conform my surroundings accordingly. Someday I'll even learn to play up my strengths. But, personal growth is a slow process...like pancreatic cancer. It can't stop until you die.

  • Nerds are People Too

    Penny raise money for charity. Primarily, she makes floral hair pins and donates the proceeds to an organization. At times, though, she’ll make these “Penny blossoms” and give them to people who make donations to a non-profit group, “Nerds Need Love Too.” One day, Sheldon, a life-long nerd, made a large donation ($5,000) to NNLT. Sheldon said, “I’m making this donation on the condition that NNLT promises to wisely use the money to further the charity’s goals.” Penny gave him a Penny blossom, stating, “This is for you, in consideration of your donation to NNLT.” Sheldon snorted in derision, not thinking that a hair pin could make an agreement “official.” Still, he took the hair pin and put it on his cat, Zazzles.

    Leonard, an administrator at NLLT was thrilled. He was sure the organization could put the money to good use. Since there was no need to use the money right away, he began looking for ways he could invest the money to make a significant return and further help the charity. Hearing of NNLT’s recent monetary acquisition, Howard, a smooth-talking business man approached Leonard with a proposal. He offered Leonard the ability to invest the money in his smart-phone application development business. Howard had a great idea for a new app. The app would determine the likelihood that a woman would go home with him. The user fills out a profile about himself. Then, to use the application, he inputs several variables: the number of drinks the woman has, her weight, and a subjective determination of her attractiveness from 1-10, plus the number of female friends she’s with. The application uses algorithms to estimate the likelihood that the encounter will end in coitus.

     Leonard, being a loveless nerd himself, thought that Howard made a good proposal. Howard said that by investing now, he could trade the money for an equity stake in the company. First, Leonard needed to make a deposit, which Leonard did. Howard said he’d get back to him with the details to make the deal complete.

    After a while, Leonard called Howard about the investment deal. Howard said that Leonard would need to provide Howard with a statement of the charities assets so that Howard would know that they actually had the money and that Leonard needed to fill out some paperwork. Leonard prepared the documents and met at Howard’s office to fill out the paperwork. At that point, though, Leonard still did not have an equity stake in the company.

    A few weeks later, Leonard called Howard again. Then, Howard said that Leonard would need to help Howard find some developers to help really make the app sparkle. Leonard got on it. He searched his nerd database for those people with software-development backgrounds and asked them if they’d be willing to help on the project. They agreed and Leonard provided that information to Howard.

    Soon after, Howard’s company became wildly successful with the app. Had Leonard invested, the equity share would have been twice what he paid for it. But, Howard never actually gave him the equity stake. Leonard was thoroughly embarrassed about having paid the deposit and investing the charity’s resources in a deal that never actually materialized.

    Sheldon, hearing about the situation with NNLT, was enraged. He thought his money was going to waste. He picked the flower pin off Zazzles and went to Leonard to demand back his money. He even returned the Penny blossom. Now, Leonard is in a pickle. Leonard wants to keep Sheldon’s donation as well as collect what he thought he was getting from Howard.

  • Wait A Cotton-Pickin' Minute!

    Bob and Jane are business people who both work in the textile industry. Bob’s business focuses on weaving and manufacturing fine linen fabric. Jane is a retailer of such fabric.

    Bob buys raw materials and processes them in a factory where he has a dozen employees. The quality of his fabrics, especially his linen, is renown in the community. He consistently delivers a product that is above industry standards, which is part of the reason why he has done so well. The thread count in his linen is approximately 50% higher than that of his competitors, a characteristic of the fabric that those who purchase from Bob expect.

    Recently, Jane expanded her business by purchasing a large, cotton-growing operation. She bought land from Alex who suggested that there might be some dry weather ahead, but that this farm was actually drought-and-flood proof.  Jane and Alex had known each other socially for many years. Jane knew that Alex was getting ready to retire was looking toward the prospect of a mutually beneficial arrangement. Jane, knowing nothing about cotton growing asked Alex how he thought the land would do in the upcoming el niño pattern. “No matter the climate,” Alex said, “this land will produce top-of-the-line cotton. In fact, I expect that this land will produce cotton even in the hard times I expect there to be this season, which is good news for you. You’ll be able to cash in on the shortage.” Alex, though, was an expert cotton-grower and knew that this season he was unlikely to make much money. So, he wanted to sell the land before he suffered a loss. Jane bought the land after she calculated how much she thought she could make on it. The contract was for the sale of the cotton-growing land and not for the land where Alex’s longtime residence sat. Once the sale was finalized, Jane brought Elizabeth to see the land.

    Jane is growing older and has left much of her business, including purchasing of fabrics to resale, in the hands of her granddaughter, Elizabeth, who is a very bright and capable seventeen-year-old. Elizabeth has lived with Jane ever since her parents died (sadly on Elizabeth’s twelfth birthday, July 31, 2006), leaving Jane as Elizabeth’s only guardian. It was important that Jane show Elizabeth the land and how everything worked. While the two were touring the land, Elizabeth’s arm got caught in a piece of farm equipment. She was very severly injured. They rushed her to Alex’s home. Alex and his family offered to take care of Elizabeth. Elizabeth thought that was a good idea; after all, she didn’t want to burden her grandmother while she was busy, and she felt very comfortable staying with Alex and his family in their home while she recovered. Alex happily paid for Elizabeth’s doctor’s visits and medicine, as well as her costs on the family’s outings.

    Bob heard about Jane’s new business endeavor. Since Jane had been buying fabric from Bob for years, Bob decided to start purchasing cotton from Jane’s new cotton operation to use in his linen. However, because of a recent drought, there was a scarcity of cotton. In order for Bob to meet all his orders, he needed a lot of cotton by the end of the spring, which he very much doubted any producer could provided him. Jane was still new to the cotton business and was eager to build a client based; she was optimistic about growing and selling cotton, not fully aware of the implications that recent weather would have on her ability to produce cotton. He and Jane worked out an agreement whereby Jane would sell 500 bales to Bob at $100/bale. Payment would be due by ten days following delivery. Both Bob and Jane signed the agreement. They did not, however, work out a precise date for delivery because Jane didn’t know when her cotton could be harvested. Bob insisted, however, that he have delivery by the end of spring, which Jane thought was reasonable.

    Bob, feeling confident about the prospect of his business, wanted to make sure that he would be able to sell all the fabric he produced from the cotton he purchased from Jane. He called Jane’s store to arrange a sale of linen. Jane wasn’t there, however, and Elizabeth answered the phone. Elizabeth agreed to purchase thirty bolts of mint-colored linen from Bob, remembering that Bob’s linen was first-rate. During their conversation she said, “I think any of our customers would love to have that sort of fabric if it lives up to the quality that you usually produce.” They set a date for the completion of the transaction: August 25, 2012. Bob later sent a letter including the agreement as they had agreed to it, but used very confusing language. Additionally, he added a clause that said, “any dispute arising from this agreement will be mediated by an arbitrator to be determined by the seller. Furthermore, any risk arising from the change in the cotton industry shall be borne by the purchaser.” The clause was in the same-size font as the rest of the agreement and in a paragraph titled: “Effect of contract.” Bob had a good working relationship with a mediator he knew and wanted to make sure that he could use the mediator in case of a problem. Elizabeth called Bob because she was confused about what the agreement meant. Bob assured her that the contract was a formality and just memorialized their agreement as they had talked about. He also mentioned that Elizabeth and Jane would have to endure the risk created by changes in the cotton market impacting his production, but Elizabeth thought that was reasonable given that they were also in the cotton-growing business. Elizabeth then happily signed and returned the original to Bob.

    By the middle of the spring, the weather conditions were such that it was apparent that cotton growers would enjoy a bumper crop. As a result, many growers had lowered the price to $50/bale. When Jane’s cotton was harvested, she attempted to contact Bob who was strangely never accessible. Jane began to sell off the other bales she had, at the prevailing market price. However, by the middle of May, she still had 98 bales left, which she intended to sell to Bob at their agreed-on price. Finally, on June 15, she got in touch with Bob who reluctantly agreed to buy the bales as it was stated in the contract. She delivered to Bob the 98 bales on June 30, 2012. She thought since he was upset about having to pay more per bale, that he wouldn’t mind the two-bale shortfall.

    A week later, Bob’s employees were looking at the shipment of cotton from Jane and  discovered that Jane delivered only 98 bales instead of the 100 stated in the sales agreement. They told Bob who immediately called Jane and told her that she had failed to live up to her end of the contract and that he would not pay her for the cotton. Furthermore, because Bob knew that Jane had invested a lot of money into the cotton operation and that because of the abundance of cotton she likely didn’t make as much money as she otherwise would, he had serious doubts about her financial state. Jane received the following letter from Bob on June 25, 2012:

     

    Dear Jane,

     

    I’m very disappointed to discover that you did not deliver the full amount of cotton I ordered. As a result, I will neither accept nor pay for the cotton that you delivered.  Also, given the financial straits this puts you in, I have doubts that you will be able to pay for the linen you ordered, especially considering that your cotton endeavor was not as lucrative as you may have thought.

     

    For me to be sure that you will, indeed, be able to proceed with the transaction, please include a statement noting your gross receipts from the sale of cotton grown. Any positive amount will demonstrate that you are capable to make good on your agreement to purchase the linen in August.

     

    Thank you,

    Bob

     

    The stress of the cotton business and breathing in the cotton fibers gave Jane a terrible illness. Elizabeth had to take care of Jane and fell behind in tending to some of the business matters. Eventually, Elizabeth responded to Bob’s letter. Elizabeth talked the matter over with Jane once she was feeling better. When Elizabeth felt she understood her grandmother’s position, she responded to Bob’s demand as follows on August 2, 2012:

     

    Dear Bob:

     

    First of all, I’d like to thank you for business and consistent quality of your products over the years. It’s nice to be able to count on a trustworthy vendor. I really appreciate it. Because we value your business so much, we are doing everything we can to make sure that we hold up our end of the agreement. We have been able to purchase two more bales of cotton that we can deliver to you at your earliest convenience. This includes the purchase of the mint-colored linen that we had agreed to earlier to be executed in just a few weeks.

     

    Unfortunately, we will not be able to accede to your additional requests, namely sending you a copy of our financial statements. We feel that this condition is an invasion of our privacy and goes beyond the agreement you and my grandmother made earlier to sell the cotton.

     

    --Elizabeth

     

    Soon after sending the letter, two more bales arrived at Bob’s business with a note attached to them that said: “The order is complete. Payment is due ten days from now. –Jane & Elizabeth.” Bob, however, refused to send payment and never used Jane’s cotton. However, because cotton prices were so good and he had all of Jane’s cotton, he was making linen like crazy. So much, in fact, he was skipping some the steps in his production technique. The result was a linen that was below “Bob standard,” but right at about the average quality for linen. Bob had more than enough linen to meet all of his outstanding orders. On August 15, he took the mint-colored linen to Jane’s store and sought payment for the fabric. Jane refused to pay until Bob paid for the cotton he ordered. Bob said he didn’t have to because Jane breached their contract by delivering less than the contracted-for price and that she delivered on June 30, well after the end of the spring. Jane countered by saying that Bob had made an agreement with Elizabeth as a minor and that the contract between them was not enforceable. Jane also noted that the linen wasn’t as good as what he normally delivered. Furthermore, Bob had already accepted the cotton before he sent notice that he was not going to pay for them.

    In the resulting suit, Bob sued Jane to enforce the sale of the linen. Jane counterclaimed for the amount of money due for the cotton. Jane also cross-claimed Alex for the sale of unprofitable land. Alex counter-claimed against Jane for the expenses he endured while taking care of Elizabeth.What doctrines and principles of contract resolve the dispute? How should the judge enter judgment as to these parties?

  • Girls Not Allowed

    I'm hoping that I'm not the only one to have experienced this.

    You swing open the door and sidle on up to the urinal, which is conveniently located at waste level (unless you're me with unusually long legs, in which case it's not quite waste level, but more thigh-level). A sense of relief fills you up as you release the pent-up torrent stored safely deep within your loins. But...then...you feel it. You can't relax too much because you sense, creeping out from behind you, a little bubble also on its way out, trying to take advantage of the state of weakened defenses. I don't understand why it's so hard to hold back the fart in this situation. But, it is. Granted, the bathroom is an appropriate place to let'er fly. Still, it's not urinal protocol. In fact, I think it's public-restroom taboo.

    It might not be so bad if there's no one else around. Then, it's like a tree-in-the-woods situation. But, if the occupancy in a public restroom is more than one, things could get a little awkward. Soon the other person will discover your predicament...and I know of no social regulation that satisfactorily resolves the situation. Imagine: standing at the urinal next to someone when all of a sudden you think there's a duck in the room...only it turns out that it's not actually a duck! It's something much more troublesome...

    The worst part would be if the poot were silent. In that case, you're just chillin' at the urinal with a couple of dudes handlin' their junk when you start giggling. In that case, though, there's a confluence of factors contributing to the spontaneous discharge of chortle: (1) the inherent inappropriateness of tooting in the presence of others; (2) the inherent inappropriateness of laughing while at the urinal--this factor is more like a multiplying effect than a factor in its own right (I call it the fart-in-church effect); (3) the fact that you know something that other people don't (the covert factor); (4) the fact that other people may soon discover the fact of fart; (4) the realization that despite your best efforts, your body is out of your control. Sometimes, you just can't fight it--you have to let yourself laugh a little.

    Fortunately for me, there's was no one else in the bathroom. However, I'm a frequenter of restrooms and someday I may be confronted with the same situation. How do I handle it? What would you do?

  • FORCEFUL PROCLAMATION!

    I used that line on a comment that I recently left on a FB status. However, it seems equally fitting for this entry...Side note: I've been a fan of all-caps lately...what does that say about me? I'll save that inquiry for another time.

    Listen up, finals:

    This my third time playing this game. I've just about got you figured out. While I've not been entirely satisfied with my performance in the past, I'm confident (uncharacteristically so) that things will be different this time. I've studied, I've outlined, I've hypoed...I've torted and constitutionaled. I've done practice questions. Heck, I wrote a practice question that really achieved nothing more than to show me my ignorance!

    But that's okay. That's what it was supposed to do.

    This quarter has drug on slowly and suffered breaks that interrupted its flow. I ain't gonna let it get me down. Who cares that we started Step III back in November and that we've just now gotten done with Step I? I'm not a slave to chronology. My mind works like a steel trap...once it's in there, it stays (even if I want to kick it out).

    Who cares that I've currently got random bodies of law confused in my head right now? (Is that an action in habeus corpus per se for which a court will need to employ canons of statutory construction? Maybe there's a mistake defense because neither parties understood the assumption-of-risk defense as it pertains to the APA and actual malice?) I'll get it sorted. I'm well into my study blitz...and only moments from beginning to madly create and organize flash cards.

    BUT! There's still a little time. Everything comes down to the exam, the first of which is tomorrow.

    Be on edge finals...I'm ready for your wily tricks and impossible-to-thoroughly-address-in-the-time-given fact patterns.

    --Trey

  • EPIC TORTS ii HYPO!

    Kevin operates a petting zoo on property near hishome. He obtained a special permit from the city that authorized the use of theproperty for a petting zoo. The city council also declared that the petting zooserved an important, municipal function in “providing residents of the citywith access to farm animals in a suburban area. The petting zoo enriches thecity and contributes to the education of the city’s children.” Kevin charges admissionto the petting zoo, of which some proceeds go to support the city’s animalcontrol and rescue program. Kevin also employs several workers (Jill and Mike)part-time, who work more out of their affection for animals rather than for themoney, to help him maintain it, which Kevin appreciates. He frequently doespublic service announcements about the local chapter of the SPCA and hosts thecity pound’s annual fundraising charity. He’s been an advocate for rescuinganimals in the city for years, which partly inspired his decision to operatethe petting zoo.

    There are a variety of animals at the petting zoo.Roaming in the large, open area are: fawns, sheep, a ram named “Bud,” chickens,geese, and rabbits, a miniature horse, and pigs. In enclosures around thepetting zoo, Kevin has: guinea pigs, several, exotic birds, a raccoon named“Gilmer,” and a large boa constrictor. While visitors are permitted to pet allthe animals in the open area, there are signs that say “Do not feed theseanimals” around the enclosures where the more exotic animals are.

    Kevin also has a side business in which he producescustom-made, coin-operated food dispensers for petting zoos, aquariums, etc.When a patron puts in the correct number of quarters and turns the handle, thedispenser releases a measured amount of animal food. A key component of thedispenser is the coin-and-handle mechanism which Kevin buys from asub-contractor. The dispensers use a molasses-based general purpose foodpellet, which Kevin also produces. He’s had great success with both foodpellets and the food dispensers. He has included several of the dispensers inhis own petting zoo disturbed throughout the open area where the animals and(human) visitors roam freely. People buy the pellets and feed it to the animalsand have been doing so since Kevin installed them three years ago.

    One day, Gilmer fell ill, and Kevin decided heneeded to see the vet. Kevin was busy giving directions to a school bus driverwho was driving a load of first graders to the petting zoo on a field trip. Thingswere crazy at the zoo in preparation for petting zoo’s annual “PETacular.”Kevin called Jill, who was off-duty and not paid for the errand, to get Gilmerand take him to the vet in the petting zoo van, which she did. The vet treatedGilmer for the raccon flu and gave him an immune-system-boosting shot. TheAgriculture Department, the competent government agency, has approved the useof the medication for boosting the immune systems of rabbits, cats, small tomedium-sized dogs, as well as other small animals. The vet warned Jill pursuantto the agency’s regulation, however, that the shot could make Gilmer lethargicand irritable. Since Jill was about town she decided to stop at a nearbyfast-food restaurant for ice cream before returning to the petting zoo andworking her regularly scheduled shift. While waiting in the drive through, sheheard Gilmer make a noise in the backseat and turned to make sure he was okay.She did not realize, however, that her foot had come off the break and she wasrolling forward until she hit the car in front of her. The driver of the othercar was a mother with her young child, who was out of his seat and standing inthe backseat at the time of impact. The mother claims neck injuries while herson sustained serious head trauma when he flew forward and hit the front seatof the car in the collision.

    Meanwhile, Mike decided to clean out Gilmer’s cagewhile Gilmer was at the vet. The cage has an open top which permits people toreach down and pet Gilmer if they choose and an attached house area for Gilmerto retreat to when tired or while feeding. The housing area has a small door toremove and replace the water and feeding bowls. Mike removed the feed and watervessels and hosed out the cage so that Gilmer would have a nice place torecover from his malaise. He failed, however, to close the door after replacingthe food and water dishes. In a cleaning mood and having already gotten out thehose, Mike decided to further clean up some of the excrement about the openarea. Mike was hosing off the open area when Jill returned, looking harrowed,with Gilmer. She walked through the main entrance and asked Mike to close thedoor behind her because her hands were full with the cage. Mike waived inresponse, thinking that Jill was simply greeting him. Neither of them closedthe gate into the open area.

    Jill set Gilmer gently down through open part of hisenclosure where people can reach down and pet Gilmer when he’s out and about.Unfortunately, Gilmer seemed unusually irritated from his shot and scratchedand snapped at Jill while she was handling him. Still, Jill got him into theenclosure and went to clock in at the back of the petting zoo, where she sawMike who was putting away the hose. While they were there, Bud the ram, walkedout through the open gate and started heading toward the adjacent lot. By thattime, Kevin had arrived and begun admitting visitors to the zoo. There weremore people there than usual because of PETacular’s half-price admission.Kevin, seeing that the gate was opened, quickly closed it, thinking that anabsent-minded visitor had failed to do so.

    Suddenly, out in the street, Kevin heard a screech,a bleat, and a crash. Apparently, Bud, after eating Mrs. Willoughby’s prizedpetunias had wandered into the street. The unsuspecting driver of aconvertible, traveling over the speed limit, but wearing a seatbelt, tried tobrake and swerve to avoid hitting Bud. Bud, panicking, had jumped, but the carwas moving too fast. Bud got just enough air that when the convertible hit him,he rolled onto the hood of the convertible and through the windshield. Thedriver lost control of the vehicle and ran into an oncoming vehicle. Bud andthe convertible driver died. The driver of the other vehicle was only mildlyinjured. Kevin didn’t realize what had happened and thought it was just arandom traffic accident.

    Mrs. Willoughby, though, was very angry; she haddealt with the smells of the petting zoo for years, but the destruction of herpetunias was the last straw. She called the city’s yard society, informing themthat she could not compete in this spring’s best yard contest because “thatcrazy Kevin turned one of his animals loose on the public,” further statingthat she “knew all along that he didn’t really give a daman about animals orcaring for them, but that he was only interested in running that petting zoofor profit.” She had won the contest every year and counted on the $1,000 prizeas part of her income. Mrs. Willoughby decided to organize a campaign of thecity to boycott Kevin’s petting zoo. While she began frantically callingeveryone in her contact book to tell them of Kevin’s duplicity, the firstgraders arrived.

    The teacher hurried the children off the bus in anorganized fashion so that they wouldn’t see the carnage in the street in frontof the petting zoo. Once they got in, the teacher gave Kevin the waivers, inwhich the children’s parents acknowledged that their children would be going toa petting zoo where there would be some large animals and that they would nothold the school or the petting zoo liable for “any injuries arising from theinteraction with the animals or for any of the inherent risks associated with apetting zoo.”

    Jill began to take the kids on a guided tour of thepetting zoo. Part of the tour involved the children buying food pellets andfeeding them to the animals, which they did and loved. The girls squealed withdelight as the fawns and lambs licked the somewhat sticky food pellets out oftheir hands. The last part of the tour was the informally dubbed “exotic animalarea.” Jill warned the students that Gilmer was sick and may want to be leftalone if he’s inside his house. But, when the kids got there, they saw Gilmerin his “yard” and reached in to pet him. Gilmer, though, was not in a pettingmood and smelled the sweet, sticky, pellet residue on the children’s hands. He bitone of the children who began to crying immediately and waiving his bloody handup in the air. The teacher tried to calm him down, and to do so, she went tothe dispenser to buy some more pellets to feed the animals so that the injuredchild might be distracted from his injury. Unfortunately, when she turned thehandle, it broke and the dispenser released all the pellets it had in itshopper. All at once, the sheep converged on that spot. In the mass of wool, theteacher fell to the ground and suffered a hip injury.

    Soon thereafter, Mrs. Willoughby heard of all theincidents happening at PETacular and began disseminating the information allover town, insinuating that Kevin was a miscreant and devilish cheat who hadingratiated himself to the town just to take advantage of them all.

    The jurisdiction where this happened has a statutelimiting claims of personal injury to two years following the accrual ofinjury. For claims arising from the use of a recreational, coin-operateddevice, no claim may be brought against the manufacturer more than three yearsfollowing the date the item is completed. Furthermore, the city has implementedan ordinance that subjects pet owners to strict liability for all harm causedby the pet when the pet has left the property owned by the pet owner.

  • Love, Love, Love, I Want Your Love!

    Last night I made some semi-profound statements about what the phonology of "love" reveals about what it means. However, I had was semi-profoundly inebriated, and my thoughts weren't well connected. Hooray for blog do overs and Gaga references!

    While it's a little four-letter word, it has only three sounds. A delightful liquid, a spontaneously phonated vowel, and a warm, fuzzy, voiced fricative.

    Liquids, the l and r sounds in English, aren't easy. Many young children can't pronounce them until they're five or six. Your tongue has to make the right shape in the right place. There's a lot of "right" things that have to happen at the right time in the right order.

    The "uh" sound is one of the easiest and most natural sounds humans can make. It requires the use of the vocal chords and endures until it's interrupted by another sound. You have to use your own voice to make a vowel. It's a personal, unique sound distinctive from every other vocalization. There's no other articulation like it in the world.

    Finally, the "v" sound is a voiced fricative. The phonation begun with the "l" continues across the vowel and through the fricative. The vibration at the front of the mouth has a certain, sexy quality about it. It's kind of sensual. You're forcing air through your mouth, over lips, and around your teeth. It becomes a full-mouth affair!

    Pulling from the phonological essence, there's the sketch of a portrait of love's character: it's difficult, and special, and sensually engaging. It takes practice, but it's an elusive goal because there's no one who'll love the same way you do. Ultimately, it's a rewarding experience.

    While this "deep" knowledge may not be entirely practical, it's interesting, right? There's a million ways to use the phonetic qualities of the word to reveal something interesting about what we say. But, this is a good starting point. I'll likely elaborate and repost on Valentine's Day...so you can look forward to that.