So...Friday night I went to the only club in the area. I should disclose that a major factor in going was that I heard that there was a shooting there last weekend. And you know...that where $#!* gets real is where I gotta get. #thuglife It was an interesting experience.

For one, I was surprised that it seemed like a proper night club. Everyone in the area decries the variety and quality of local establishments. That generalization doesn't seem to hold true here. There was an appropriate balance of poor lighting, good seating, crazy light effects, and bass-thumping jams. Overall, it was a pretty cool scene even if not substantially populated.

The music was a combination of hip-hop and rap with some bachata/meringue thrown in for jollies. So, you know, perfect! Also, I was the only white person there. It's important that the caucasians represent from time to time: just because I'm a honky doesn't mean I can't drop flow like Daddy Yankee or Lyland and Denny. I can't drop flow because I have no flow...it's not directly tied to my ethnicity.

There was another interesting development. I thought the DJ did a really good job of keeping up a variety of dancin' jamz. However, there was relatively little movement on the dance floor. Off the dance floor, however, the dynamic was reminiscent of a middle-school dance: guys and girls were clustered in groups around the room and not directly participating in the dancing. There was some off-floor, half-hearted movement, which I found disgusting. My attitude: go big and look like a complete idiot or don't even try. This approach once required me to apologize to a group of Peruvian students I met in Madrid, but I still stand by the philosophy.

I'd like to return someday...but I'd prefer not going by myself again (that's lame). Also, because of my all-or-nothing approach, I ended up not dancing, drinking my margaritas alone, and going home about 11:30 or so. These events were also lame. I guess to summarize, it would have been a BLAST if I weren't such a lame-o.

Now...if I could only get some Spanish-speaking chicas who would enjoy going with me next time. #dreambig #isthatracist? #whoamikidding #funwith#tags

I've never really been comfortable using it. It's one of those words that has been stretched and applied to so many contexts that its definition is effectively so broad so as to render the word semantically neutral. I don't like using meaningless words.

Where vestiges of the original meaning have remained, the idea makes me uncomfortable...especially in inter-personal speech. It's something inherently personal. To force its usage in public fora, at times, seems inappropriate.

So, that's why I frequently hesitate to use the "F" word. However, it's becoming increasingly difficult to avoid it...thanks a lot, Zuckerburg!

When I get an "f" request, I don't quite know what to do about it. Is it an expression of a current relationship or what it will be or a mere statement about the possible destination our acquaintance may lead. Is not "f"ing someone offensive? More offensive than "f"ing someone when you won't enjoy it?

The form of the word has changed little since Proto-Germanic, which is the source of the original verb from which the noun derived. The verb "friojonan" meant "to favor or love." So someone who was the object of such affection was a "freogan," then a "freond" in Old English. (Interestingly, the noun has since been verbed (even funnier, "verb" is a noun (hee hee!)) even though it was an agented form of a verb over a thousand years ago!) The kernel of meaning has changed little in that time: someone who is related to another by feelings of affection or personal regard. A little word with big implications, albeit softened and made less acute over time. Still, some of the personal intensity remains. That's what I don't know how to handle.

I even hesitate to tell people that I have "fs," primarily because I don't know if I do. There are a series of obligations and rights that the f-ship includes in its manifest...but the manifest remains unwritten and otherwise undecipherable to me. I.e., "What does being/having an 'f" mean?" It eludes me.

Meh...maybe I'm just super trendy and not into labels: "fs," "bfsf," "acquaintance," or otherwise.

What's an "f" for you?

It's especially problematic when my computer crashes two weeks before finals and it has all my notes, outlines, and basically everything I need to prepare.

But, really, this is on me. For one, my computer has been been on its last legs for a while. AND! It's the most appropriate cap to the week I've been having...I should have seen it coming.

So, if any of you are technically savvy, here's the issue:

I have an HP dv6000 that runs Windows Vista. Wednesday night I was YouTubing. Then, 'puter started making a strange clicking noise, which I didn't notice because of the YouTube. I even made a video of the clicky/whirry sound. Then the computer froze. I manually shut it down. Since then, I can get it to power on, I get the start-up-in-a-variety-of-safe-modes menu. But, none of these options effect access to any program/files/etc. It sounds like it's working, but the screen stays forever blank/black. At no time do I get a BSOD. I've tried starting up in every form of safe mode.

The clicking noise suggests hardware problems, but it could also be a virus. I tried restoring the system to about a week ago. This also didn't resolve the issue, however, 'puter said the system restore was sucessful...idk what that means. It would be just like him to spew lies all over the place. Also, now I can't even get to the system restore option...idk what else to try.

At this point, I'm not opposed to getting a new computer (it's 5 years old and crazy loud). However, I am VERY opposed to losing the files I have. As mentioned, I need them for exam purposes...and exams start in a few very short weeks.

So, if any of you have any idea of what I should try next, please let me know. I guess the upside is that now if I bomb my exams I can honestly say "Well...I would have done better if my computer hadn't crashed." After all, a big part of life is about being able to shift the blame for the things your confidence would never recover from to other people, events, or entities, right?

This weekend was NOT all I hoped it would be.

DISCLAIMER: There's nothing interesting in here; I whine about how my weekend was different from my expectations. Proceed at the risk of being bored.

Since I had a relatively light load of homework, I thought I would take advantage of having a free Friday night. I began formulating plans about the places I would go to have a raucous good time. My car was still out of commission, but that wasn't a big deal because there's a popular bar a block from where I live. I don't really like it, but there's almost always someone I know there and looking forward to the evening and having no car, it was not a bad option.

Naturally, I started pre-gaming about 5:30. About 7:00 I realized that I hadn't eaten all day, which was a bad sign. Eventually, I strolled across the street to a fast-food, fried-chicken place. I enjoyed my meal there and felt like I was prepared to enjoy the rest of the evening. However, by the time I got home (about 9:00), I was already feeling tired. I ended Friday night watching the newest episode of Private Practice on my laptop and going to bed at 10:30. It was weak. But, that wasn't the worst part.

(Note: In a blog that will follow, I'll explain why I think this part of the weekend was probably the optimal result. But that's for later.)

I woke up Saturday morning at 2:30 and absolutely could not fall back asleep. At 3:30, I got out of bed, wrote this and crawled back into bed about 7:00. By 9:00 I was getting texties from my parents who were coming to help me take care of some things around the condo. There was no more sleep.

When my parents got here, we set ourselves to: replacing the microwave (the other one was actually older than I am and died), changing my car battery, and fixing the garbage disposal in my sink. I thought that everything would take about three hours, five hours tops. Alas, at 10:00 last night, my parents went back home. My car battery is replaced and the microwave is precariously attached to the wall and hanging above the stove top. I was exhausted not only from a day filled with problems with projects but also from not having slept well the night before. I really appreciate my parent's coming down to help me with these things...I just REALLY wish we could have done them correct/had all the information we needed to make the best choices/come up with an alternative plan. After a somewhat disappointing SNL (despite a rather great opening), I went to bed.

Today, I need to do the homework I thought I would be able to at least get a start on yesterday. So, my Sunday will be far from the moment's breath I need before starting next week and heading into the last two weeks of the quarter...BOOOO!

I understand that none of these things are a big deal. And, I have failed to give adequate weight the importance of being able to drive my car again. Still, sometimes you just need to whine. Hopefully, by writing out these complaints, I'll be done with them and I can move on to accomplish something in the few hours that remain in my weekend. Hopefully.

During election years, there are sustained murmers about the unfairness and antiquated nature of the electoral-college process. The foundation for these grumblings lies in the distaste for a system that was largely created to insulate the political process from uneducated masses and that can, in effect, undermine the will of a majority of the people. Apart from mere tradition, there are some characteristics of our presidential-determination scheme that, in my view, justify (maybe even require!) its further existence.

First, the electoral college makes an individual vote count more. Because the electoral college comprises a series of winner-take-all steps, the influence of a single vote has a cascading effect up from the local level to the national stage. In 2008, about 122 million votes were cast. In a pure popular-vote arrangement, that means that each individual vote is worth 1 out of 122 million or something like .00000082 % of all voters. That's a very small number. To help visualize: you can cover 288 tennis courts with 122,000,000 million quarters. The little patch covered by one quarter is your vote. Further, of the represented $ 30.5 million (in quarters), your vote is worth 25 cents. C'est pas beaucoup.

BUT! In the electoral college, your vote counts to the extent that it can tip the balance in your state (generally). California is only about 12% of the total US population. That's only 34 quarter-covered tennis courts! And most states are significantly smaller. Texas and New York (the next largest states) represent about 8 and 6 percent of the population. When the same vote is cast in a smaller pool, it is necessarily worth more. Of course, if you vote in the minority in your state, your vote doesn't count at all (maybe unless you live in Nebraska or Maine). But is the effect (that is, the risk of vote "loss") any different from voting in the minority of a direct election by popular vote? I don't think so; it just happens at a different point.

Second, it provides more certainty, which reduces the overall costs of campaigns and elections. There's a big emphasis on the swing states because the uncertainty in an election is largely limited to those areas. The eight or so (depending on the year) swing states get bombarded with ads, visits, and all sorts of campaignery. If there are eight swing states, there are 42 states where things are decided. That's 84% of the election done and decided! How often is anyone ever 84% sure of some future event? It's rare for me.

The uncertainty makes campaigns expensive. Consequently, a disproportionate amount of campaign funds are spent in swing states. One of the things I never liked about presidential campaigns is how much candidates spend. But, a lot of campaign money does go into the American economy: candidates will purchase buttons and stickers or have posters printed, etc. in 'Murrica because it would look unpatriotic if a candidate spent money abroad...so the cost isn't ALL bad. Still, can you imagine the result if all votes across all states were up for grabs under a direct-election system? I think there would be some re-allocation of currently spent funds, but I also think there would be a net increase in the cost of campaigns. There would be a corresponding, increased burden on voters to donate, which is almost like a tax even if voluntary. Under an electoral system, votes stay local--so volunteering or just talking with neighbors would have a relatively greater impact than contribution.

Third, the electoral-college scheme embodies a foundational principle of our government: tiered sovereignty. Part of our governing philosophy is a division of power over different areas. This creates diversity in approaches to legal resolutions of problems. Rules about maple-syrup grading necessary in Vermont may be wholly irrelevant in Mississippi; what's good policy in Louisiana may not be in Wisconsin, even though they're both community-property jurisdictions. The idea is that the states are just similar enough that they pay attention to and learn from one another, but have the power to take a different course. The electoral college demonstrates that dynamic. It compels solidarity within a state by sending delegates in a winner-take-all fashion, but keeps separate the consequences of one state's election from those of another state. This is the principle that makes us innovative; it makes sense that it plays out on a large scale.

While the electoral college isn't without its legitimate criticisms, I think it's generally a good system. I like the impact my vote has in a smaller pool; I like that voters aren't subjected to campaign ads where people have largely made up their minds; I like the dynamic it creates between states and nationally elected leaders. It's not perfect, but nothing humans do is. All in all, it works for me, and makes me feel like my vote means something.

Do you feel disenfranchised or empowered by the way we elect a President?

In my usual fashion, I procrastinated on a project. Consequently, I spent this whole weekend working on it, trying to get my head around the issues, thinking about what a limited liability company really IS, and why it matters in the hypothetical given to us. Once I got into it, I kind of enjoyed the thought process. There are fun loopholes, interesting conceptual challenges, construction questions and all the like. But, I did not leave myself enough time to really do a good job. I did a job. I got it done.

In the end, I feel like I cheated myself. It's not so much from a grade standpoint--although I KNOW I could have done better if I had planned better, but rather because I didn't give myself the opportunity to enjoy what I was working on. TIn my view, that's the real tragedy.

I was so far behind on working on the project that I skipped my other two classes to finish the project. It's the first time that I've skipped so far this quarter and very likely will be the last. Plus, since the project basically makes up half of my grade, it was probably worth it to squeeze as many points out of it as possible.

I cannot make myself just start *doing* something. At least, not what I know I should be doing. I'll do the dishes, fold laundry, take a shower...just about anything to avoid the homework. Heck, last night I almost busted out the mop and bucket to mop the floors! In my defense, it needs to be done...but not before my memo is.

I've always been a procrastinator. When I was younger, it emanated from my perfectionistic tendencies. Now, I think the root cause is an equal mixture of: (1) general apathy about life; (2) busyness; (3) fear of not doing a good job. Regarding the third factor, what's worse than setting yourself to do something, spending a lot of time on it, investing yourself into it, just to have it eviscerated and dealing with all the subsequent feelings of inadequacy and incompetence? At least if I procrastinate, I'll have a reasonably acceptable excuse if things don't work out as I'd like. It serves as a little layer of emotional protection.

Why do you procrastinate? How do you get yourself going?

That's right...I'm on the run. And I desperately hope that I don't get caught.

Incident to my moving in, I thought I should update the address on my driver's license. Once I excised it from its single-window abode in my wallet, I was shocked to discover the expiration date.

Apparently my licensed expired on my twenty-fourth birthday (a weird time), which, dear reader, you'll remember was about three weeks ago. I thought I had until next year. Since then, I've been driving around town unlawfully. Luckily, I don't drive that often, so there's been little opportunity to caught. Also, I actually obey traffic laws--further reducing the probs.

Fortunately, this sort of evasion will end once I get the driver's license renewed. The furtive driving about town on the verge of a violation for the next few days will soon pass.This incident has a clear cause and a clear end date. My usual fugitive tendencies aren't nearly as well defined.

I'm a professional runner...but not from the fuzz...or even the healthy kind. Instead, I try to hide away from regrets...but they're always with me. Running from yourself doesn't work out. It leaves one only running from all the things that reminds oneself of the poor choices in life. When you have a good memory and poor decision-making skills--BOOM! No rest for the weary.

The point of this post is that having an expired driver's license is a real bummer...or else self-reflection is. IDK.

Also, are you allowed to drive to the department of public safety for the purposes of renewing your license? I can do it online, but I kind of want a new picture...so I'll need to put it off until after I get a hair cut. Advice?

This weekend I absconded to my parent's lake house to spend the weekend. It's not glamorous--it's been rainy all day today and will continue to be so tomorrow. I brought all my homework with me. I'm not doing anything here that I wouldn't do at home. It's good just to get away sometimes...especially because it bums me out lately to be at "home."

It could be the bugs. I've had a terrible time with crickets and roaches lately. The crickets should leave me alone once the weather turns cool. Hopefully the smell will start airing out when they leave too. The roaches, though, just infuriate me. They're just so...BRAZEN. They even lack the shame to run when they're spotted. I tussled with two Friday morning. They didn't take me seriously until I swatted at them. Then, though, my blood was boiling and I wanted nothing more than to reduce those DAMN ARTHROPODS to a squishy blob of twitchy legs and splayed-open, broken wings. Roaches just make me mad. Not all roaches...only the American and Pennsylvania Wood roaches. The German roaches don't make me nearly as angry. Between the roaches and the crickets, I'm afraid to go into my kitchen...and I'm always worried about the status of the pots and pans in the cabinets.

It could be the emptiness. I think my place is too large. The furniture in my living room fails to fill the space. There's an entire bedroom that's completely unoccupied. I really need to get a roommate to help cover living expenses (cable, electricity, etc.), but until then, it's just me. There's so much space it feels indulgent, but not in that you-deserve-a-splurge way, it's more like the you're-being-super-wasteful-and-financially-irresponsible way. Even being at home isn't comforting when it feels empty.

It could be the symbolism. My grandfather is putting up the money to purchase the condo. The idea is that he's making an investment. But, it's all wrapped up in the idea that I will go to school, do well, so that I will have a good job and a productive future. There's a lot of pressure riding on my success--and I'm very confident that I cannot "succeed" in school. I just muddle through and barely keep pace with everyone else. When I walk in, I'm reminded that there are a lot of people watching me...and a lot of people to possibly disappoint/make angry when things (ultimately?) crap out.

So...I'm away for the weekend. I'll have to be back Monday. Back to class. Back to the crickets. Back to the risk of disappointment. Back to refusing to use the air conditioner even though it's still 90 degrees at 10:00 at night because I can't afford it. TBTHBTHBTHBTH! Right now, though, I'm away. But my mind is still concerned about being back.

This is for...well, you know who you are...on the day you pretended not to see me in the parking lot. (BTW, this is REALLY funny if you're a (tax) lawyer or accountant.)

We meet frequently in unexpected places.

Furtive choreographies flash across our faces.

One visage darting, another twisting

Each one knowing that we’d prefer missing

Our lives’ paths’ interlaces

Your cunning gaze moves painlessly through me

Evasion, aversion, desperate synchronicity

One temper ablaze with revulsion

One driven by maladroit compulsion

I’m a mere, pass-through entity.

There’s little question, unlike an LLC.

If there’s an election, I know your choice would be—

Without a breath’s hesitation,

Or clandestine motivation—

To disregard my entity

I am not a C-Corp; there’s no recognition

Of my gainful activity or contrition.

You intimate that I’m a nullity

With well-found credence and gross subtlety.

My existence is a legal fiction.

Alas, I concede the partnership direction.

Another result amounts to self-deception:

To you, I am,and will ever be,

A mere pass-through entity.

It’s a Sub-chapter K affection.

Does anyone ever pretend that you don't exist? Or if they do communicate, it's to insinuate something mildly offensive?

I have a long-held belief that [something] is not good. In fact, I think that [something] is rather bad.

In my view, [something] only cheats OR misleads OR steals from people. Recently, I saw in the news OR I had an experience with OR heard through someone I know about who had a dealing with [something]. I'm outraged. [Something] must be stopped OR boycotted OR hated by everyone else as much as by me.

Now, I know that there are a lot of people in Xanga who are a part of OR enjoy OR like [something], which astounds me. But, I can respect that because I really value how respectful I am of other ideas. This post is a clear demonstration of that respect I have for the opposing position and the legitimacy and reasonability I believe it has. However, this latest stunt is jut too much.

First, it is evident that [something] has no human decision makers. There's no way that a person could reach that decision OR act in the way that [something] did OR purport an idea that so plainly contradicts my interpretation of life experiences.

Second, this is a legitimate criticism. It is axiomatic that everything about life has good and bad qualities. At this point, I have presented a point that actually is stimulating and new to you. This section about [something] is the only one worth remembering...and it's only three sentences.

Third, this stunt violates an important principle. [Something] has trampled this reified concept, which if I really thought through, I would realize I might not believe in as much as I do. At least, I don't believe it in proportion to the vehemence with which I argue that its violation is demonstrative of an appalling wrong. Unlike me [something] and you doesn't follow this principle. [Something] deserves scorn.

In conclusion, I've always felt this way. My feelings are clearly justified. I often post about how terrible [something] is. I did not have to think long about what my ultimate feelings about this issue are. It astounds me that [something] continues to exist. It clearly has NO redeeming qualities. If it did, I would certainly present it alongside my harsh criticisms in order that I present a fair picture of [something]...because I'm the first to recognize that one of my long-held beliefs is also subject to criticism.

So there, [something], gotcha! Now everyone can see you for what you are. Hah!

P.S. I'm not look to stir up Xanga drama...if you make an offensive comment, I will delete it.